Services to Families

Two years ago Troy Wilkens received the kind of letter that can change a person's life forever. Home in Denver, Colo., he opened his mail and read a note from two people he had never known, but with whom his life had always been intricately connected.

It was from his birth parents, explaining how in the winter of 1970 when his mom was pregnant, she and his dad decided they were too young to raise a child and made an adoption plan for Troy. They wrote they had later married and had two other boys. In the seconds it took to read it, Troy had gained two brothers.

"That was pretty crazy getting that," he said. "I went in my room and sat down and thought 'This is a big deal." 

Troy was adopted as an infant through Lutheran Social Services (LSS), a predecessor of LSI. From 1939 to today, the agencies did around 4,000 private adoptions for Iowans. It's a rich history that is still changing lives today.

Most of those adoptions are closed, where LSI legally cannot disclose identifying information to adoptees or birth parents who may want to connect years later.

However, LSI helps by offering them a privacy release form. Those forms, sometimes paired with a letter, wait at LSI until by extraordinary chance the person on the other side of the adoption also decides to sign one.

Many are shots in the dark, the equivalents of sending out a message in a bottle. But every so often, one is a match and a kind of miracle.

Troy grew up in Iowa. His sister was also adopted, though from another family. He said the two always knew they were adopted, even before he knew what the word meant.

"That's the best way to do it, I think," he said. "It was normal to me. I didn't feel like I had this void, that I needed to find these people as soon as possible. There wasn't a hole to fill."

In 1998, Troy contacted LSS with a request for medical information. Staff responded with the non-identifying records and also included the privacy release form in case Troy ever wanted one on file.

He held onto the form for eight years before mailing it back to LSI, wavering on whether or not he should sign it.

"A friend of mine who was adopted convinced me it would be a good thing to do," he said. "I guess the curiosity got to me so I decided to give it a shot."

That decision flung open the doors to his past.

Three days later LSI let him know there was a match, and that a letter from his birth parents would be coming in the mail. It had been on file at LSI for years.

His emotions went up and down in the weeks following, he said. He sought advice from friends and family and then sent his birth parents an email.

In the summer of 2007, they met for the first time in Minnesota, and things went well. Other visits followed, ones that also included Troy's adoptive parents.

Since then, Troy's brothers have flown to Denver on several weekends to visit him. The trio is now good friends.

"I'm definitely planning to have a relationship with them for the rest of my life," he said. "I'm close to Bryon and Brad, and we'll be close until we're old."

Troy has more family tree still to meet in aunts, uncles and cousins.

"I just have that many more people to be close to if I need to connect," he said. "It's expanded my friendships and the people I can rely on."

Editor's Note: We're excited to share this unique story. Please note that LSI's work in this area is limited by Iowa law. To individuals and families who were part of an adoption through LSI, we can offer privacy release forms to keep on file when each party contacts LSI independently. LSI does not actively search for adoptees or birth parents. Iowa's current laws state that updated medical history can only be obtained for compelling reasons and through a court order.