Services to Families

Raising a teenager is a stage of life that usually lasts only five or six years, leaving a parent with enough funny, sweet and slightly harrowing stories to last a lifetime. But for one Denison family, raising teenagers has become a decades-long passion.

As long-time foster parents, Larry and Shirley Tech's Denison house has been home for many Iowa teenagers and children who entered the foster care system because of an unsafe environment at home, often due to abuse or neglect.

Helping teens is at the core of their lives, and it's a life they never even imagined.

When the Techs married in 1983, they initially obtained their foster care license to combine a blended family. But then they began receiving calls for placements of other children in their home. They gave it a shot, and two decades later they're still fostering with four teenage boys currently in their home.

Teenagers became their niche because that was the age of their own children when they started foster care, Shirley Tech said. And though they're now empty nesters with five adult children, teens are still the best fit for their family.

"You have to stick within the guidelines of what you think you can handle," said Tech, who is a nurse at Eventide Nursing Home in Denison. "As a nurse, I'm at work at 6 a.m., so infants would not be a good fit for our family."

The Techs' philosophy to raising their teenagers is straightforward – a mix of structure and compromise.

"What works for us is to have structure, but not where everything is set in stone," Tech explained. "Every child is different. I look at each child individually and try to take into account their different interests, viewpoints, background and those things can make them happy or angry. They have to be allowed to make mistakes sometimes, so they can learn from them."

"The Techs are excellent foster parents because they've assessed what type of children they are best able to care for," said Dawn Luetje, an LSI support and licensing worker with Iowa KidsNet who is based out of Denison. "They are both so involved and so committed to helping the teens who are placed in their home. They have an excellent partnership as foster parents."

Teenagers often get a bad rap, Luetje said.

"The stereotype is that it must have been something the kid did to be in foster care, but typically that's not the case. Many times it's because of the family circumstances and how a child has learned to cope. They just need a positive environment and a chance."

All teenagers are different, Luetje added. Families, she said, should consider each child individually to see if he or she would fit with their family. An example is that some teens do well in larger family groups and some need more one-on-one attention.

Children in foster care have many layers, said Tech, including the teenage boys in her home.

The boys, she said, are a lot like onions.

"Once you peel away the layers of the onion, you begin to understand them," she said. "They build these layers and insulate themselves so they're not hurt by the world anymore. Once you peel them away you can see the child inside and what's making them act the way they act."

"You have to be willing to accept a lot of layers," she added.

In nurturing their foster children, the Techs provided their own children with experiences rich in diversity and relationships.

"They have met so many types of kids and different personalities through the years," she said. "It prepared them for any kind of boss or coworker they might have in their life and to get along with people."

They have also had the opportunity to expand their family. One of their sons lived with them as a foster child for four years until the Techs had an opportunity to adopt him at the age of 11.

Foster care, said Tech, has its share of both bittersweet tears and happy endings. Many of their former foster children still keep in touch with Christmas cards, wedding invitations, phone calls and visits.

"It's a good feeling knowing we've helped them become adults and be able to live on their own," she said.

Ask her how many they've fostered over the years, and she laughs. Twenty-five years of children is hard to count, even with a ballpark figure.

So why do they continue to open their home to teens after so many years? It's knowing that they make a difference, Tech said, and the feeling she gets when she hears their stories.

"I've heard some horrible stories," she said. "When they're here, I know they're in a safe place, and it makes me feel good I can do something. I think everyone wants to do something for society. Some people rescue animals. Some people work on cancer foundations."

And some people are foster parents.

There is a large need for foster parents for teenagers and sibling groups, according to Luetje. Families can also do respite care for children in foster care, she said. For families without lots of previous parenting experience, this can be a good way to become comfortable parenting an older child.

To learn more, contact Iowa KidsNet, the statewide collaboration of agencies that recruits, trains, licenses and supports foster and adoptive families, at 1.800.243.0756 or visit www.iowakidsnet.com.